Stefan's Diary: The Unforgiven
by Sapphire09
Summary: He couldn't forget that nightmare-no... It wasn't just a nightmare. It was his past, long buried and locked away inside his own Pandora Box, never meant to open. His fear haunts him, from then to his present. -What had transpired was not to be talked about, never to be said or told, a terrible taint for both the family history and himself- 9/5 Update: Chapter 6 Bonus
1. I Nightmare

**DISCLAIMER: **I do not own anything but the plot.

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It was a past that was almost forgotten, never really disappeared. He thought he already handled it, far before he became a vampire; but then again, he never really handled it, did he?

His breathing was short and ragged, as his mind replayed once more the nightmare that graced his dreams. No…It wasn't just a nightmare. It was a memory he never reminisce, kept away and locked behind thousands of doors inside his subconscious.

As a human, the fear would probably be categorized merely as paranoia, however as vampire, with his emotions enhanced thousands of folds, the fear was agonizing.

Trying to calm himself, he tried to look around his room, to regain his grip to the present, far away from the memories and the past. When he found his pen lying about at his desk, with a few sheets of paper, he decided to write as an act of calming himself.

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**|Stefan's Diary: The Unforgiven|**

_By Sapphire09_

* * *

**I. Nightmare**

* * *

_Sunday, (there was a date and a month here, but it was scribbled over, like an afterthought, so it could not be read), 2012 _

_It had taken me more than one and a half century to finally write this down. A moment of my life, the one and only memory I tried to bury, to forget, among many others. What had transpired was not to be talked about, never to be said or told, a terrible taint for both the family history and himself, a degradation and a mocking gesture to her, to mother's, memory…_

_Perhaps, at the time, I had deserved what he forced upon me. I had disobeyed him, and it was within his right to be angry. It had been a mistake I made, and I accepted that. I led him to believe what was done was needed to be done for me to enforce my obedience. He couldn't stand to have me start on acting like Damon, so his words had said to me. The punishment was just, and I never again argue with his decisions._

_At the time, I thought he was right._

_What he had done… No one knew but us. It was the dark splotch that tainted and strained our relationship for days after. I hadn't even dared to look at him. My body would tremble in fear every time I hear his voice called my name._

_It was unsightly, he said, for sons to act how I acted to their fathers. He commanded me to stop at once and start to act like the son that I am._

_What he asked was almost impossible for me to be done. What he did… His punishment was still too fresh inside my mind. It was when he start threatening me that I forced my mind to forget._

_It was almost like a compulsion, how my brain erased the details of that incident overnight. Perhaps it was trauma, or perhaps it was my prayers, but then again, it could also be a simple case of strong denial. Whatever it was, it helped to make me and my father return to our usual father-and-son dynamic. I became his good, obedient son, and he was delighted._

_I listened to his words and commands without question, and the thought of saying 'no' never crossed my mind for a long while._

_For two long years, until I 'died', I had managed…_

_However, now I find my nightmare haunting me once more. My memory of that day is clear inside my head, from beginning to end. Why now, I asked myself, as I was woken from my slumber last night by those nightmarish memory. For almost two centuries it never bothered me, the memories were locked away deep behind my subconscious, inside a Pandora's Box that never meant to be found, or opened. It had almost like I had forgotten._

_I dared to hope writing this will make it go away, but I somehow doubt writing will help. I didn't even dare to write this inside my journal, but on a piece of paper that was lying about._

…_I'm afraid if I write even more, the nightmare will be even more vivid…_

* * *

**Sapphire09: **So, this is my first time trying my hand on TVD fandom. Of course, despite the title, I haven't read the novel. I just watched the show.

I got this idea while thinking: hey, if they feel love and hate ten-thousand folds or something along those numbers, what about fear? So, this was born.

This thing is short, since I write it like how Stefan or any other person write their nightmares, and future chapters could even be shorter. As for timeline, it should be around the end of season 3 or the beginning of season 4... I didn't really think about it, but it should be around then, since I'm contemplating a side story outside the diary, like-what would Damon or Elena do if they found this scripture? Or something like that. Of course, I can always put that in between, but then again... huh.

Of course, since this is only the beginning and there are still much to tell, I don't expect good reviews right away. Though, letting me know how I did this is always nice. I am aware that Stefan might be a little OOC, but I did try my best to reason and justify his actions along the chapter.

And, one more thing. This story is not beta'd, so every mistake is purely mine.


	2. II Memories

**DISCLAIMER: **...Do I have to do this every chapter? Why don't I just assume you've read the one in chapter I? Okay? Okay.

* * *

The first nightmare, he was reminded.

The second nightmare, he was cold.

The third nightmare… He was breaking.

Tonight… He doesn't sleep.

* * *

**|Stefan's Diary: The Unforgiven|**

_By Sapphire09_

* * *

**II. Memories**

* * *

_Tuesday, 2012_

_I'm still unsure, but I can't take it anymore. The nightmare was getting worse every night, and I fear Damon will soon question why I always woke far before dawn. The nightmare was my personal tormentor that comes every night, and the silenced scream I let out every time the nightmare awakened me couldn't be hid for too long._

_I don't want my brother to know this grime that I have, that I could never scrub off no matter how hard I try. Every nightmare brought another set of filth to my body that I couldn't get rid of…_

_His touch was everywhere in my dream. The fear that I felt was intense, so much that I forgot it was just my memory replaying itself. Even the pain was unforgettable and vivid, that I expected bruises to appear at the spot he hit me._

_I…was scared back then. I've never felt more scared than that time._

_His eyes… He looked at me without the compassion of a father, rather…_

_I remember thinking if he would kill me._

…_I remembered wishing he would do just that._

* * *

**Sapphire09: **Like I said; short._  
_

Now, I really like it if you tell me how do I do this time. Nothing much yet?

Oh, and for **FullMoonOrchid**, thank you so much for your review. As you are my only reviewer as of now, I really appreciate your support! Thank you so much!


	3. III Inquiries

**Disclaimer: **Alright, I'll humor you this time; **I do not own** Vampire Diaries. Just the plot of this story.

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He breathe out, and in, and out again.

Again, his memories had taken over.

He tried to not sleep, but when the world slept, his memories would again resurface. When his mind had nothing else to think of, an episode of that time would be played inside his head.

Like his nightmares, it was too vivid.

Damon noticed this, but all he asked was of trivial things, though the hidden, underlying question didn't go unnoticed by Stefan.

"Just me being me, Brother. Nothing you don't already know," was his answer to Damon's question.

Tonight, again the memories haunt him.

* * *

**|Stefan's Diary: The Unforgiven|**

_By Sapphire09_

* * *

**III. Inquiries**

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_Thursday, 2012_

_I have to continue, or insanity will take me instead. Damon's already questioning me…_

_I have to get my bearings together._

_I need to write everything that he did to me, hopefully to make me accept that it is in the past. He was long gone, as I had killed him myself. But… I can't._

_The dream, the memories… Everything already becoming too vivid, too real… _

_The pain, the heat… I can still feel their phantom on my skin… I could still hear his words echoing inside my ears long after I woke up, to the smell of his breath hot in my nostrils. Even his gaze…and the way his—_

(A sentence was written, but it was scribbled over)

_What had brought this on? Why had those memories resurfaced, when it was well forgotten for more than a century and a half? What was it that triggered those memories to crawl their way up back to my mind?_

_If I find the answer, the reason behind it, will this nightmare stop?_

_**. **_(A mark from a pen that stayed in one place for too long, the ink spread)

_I don't want to remember anymore…_

* * *

**Sapphire09:** It seems my story is getting shorter every chapter... Huh.

Anyway, for **Jess,** I'm glad you like it! I would also love some bro-bonding or a little bromance. Well, I guess you can see it in the bonus chapter, if you squint really, really hard... I hope... 'Fraid not, though. I can promise you there will be some bro-bonding over Stefan's fear some time in the future chapter.

For **Xx,** I hope you find this chapter as intriguing as before. Thank you for the review!

**FullMoonOrchid**, glad to see you again! Thank you so much (again) for your review. I tried my best to describe Stefan's fear, and I hope I didn't ruin it in this chapter...

**azurefang,** thank you so much for your review. Of course, I can't tell you much, but I haven't been trying to keep anyone in the dark with where I'm going in this story. Until Stefan himself revealed it, anyone's guesses can be right :D (of course, unless I found a twist that could overthrow any guesses... Like, maybe, it was just something trivial that Stefan's hyperactive mind exaggerated? Of course, that would make this story filed under humor... lol)

Well, I'm happy to see such positive reviews! I wasn't sure about this story at first, you see... Can't let my head go over the clouds though... Who's to say this chapter won't become worse? (or future chapters... I dunno)_  
_

Well, since I myself don't like short chapters, I try to compensate with faster updates. And, since I just love your reviews, I'm giving out an extra chapter for today's update.

Enjoy~ (and please, keep letting me know how I did it. Good, bad, worse, better... Your insight could always help with my inspiration, which seemingly love to come and went as it wanted...)


	4. Damon's Inquiries

**Sapphire09:** Here you go! A bonus chapter to accompany** III. Inquiries**

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Again, tonight he heard the sound of distress his brother let out.

His brother tried to hide it, but Damon heard them all the same. The sound was excruciating, almost like tortured.

At first, he thought it was nothing, just Stefan being his self-blaming self. But, it had been going on for more than a week, and the sound only becoming more painful every day.

He tried asking, later that day. He tried asking casually, with the underlying 'real' question still apparent for his brother to see.

The answer wasn't satisfying.

"_Just me being me, Brother. Nothing you don't already know."_

* * *

**Side Chapter: Damon's Inquiries**

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"Do you know what has been bothering him, Damon?"

Elena's question was exactly the same as his own, so Damon answered with Stefan's own answer when he had asked the same question (same song, different verse, of course).

"It's just Stefan being Stefan, Elena. His own selfless, chivalrous, goody-goody self, I'm sure."

Elena wasn't satisfied, but he already expected that reaction. He himself wasn't satisfied by Stefan's answer, so why would he expect Elena to?

"Damon, I'm serious! Look at him—"

"So am I, Elena," Damon answered, without letting her finish her sentence. "Look, I've already asked him. That was what he said. Besides, don't we get enough on our plate for the moment, anyway? He's probably still feels guilty over what happened to you."

"It wasn't his fault… I've told him that…"

"From where he stood, he thinks it is."

When he saw that Elena wasn't convinced, he tried again.

"Look, whatever it is on his mind, he probably just needs time to sort out his guilt. You already cleared it up that you didn't blame him, so he needs to put his head around that. Just let him be for a while. He'll come around."

Elena wasn't entirely convinced, but Damon knew she would oblige by this point.

"We have bigger fish to fry right now, Elena. We have some more important things to dig out. I'm sure Stefan can handle himself. We would know if something happened."

Elena hesitated, but she eventually agreed.

Though, Damon find it hard to believe the things he spouted. He was curious (and, though he would never say it out loud, concerned), but as he said it himself, they got more important things to find out.

Besides, if Stefan needed them, he would know.

* * *

**Sapphire09: **Yeah... It's short. I tried to keep everything vague, since I don't want anything to go against canon (except Stefan's abuse, of course. Totally against canon, though not exactly impossible... lol). And, I think I got Damon's personality all wrong... I mean, I know he cares, but he doesn't seem the type to actually say he cares. He's more like the type to see it through first (then again, it's been a while since I watched the show since Season 3 ended...). And I think Elena would be more stubborn in here... I dunno...

I hope I wasn't completely off mark, though...

Seriously... Stefan is much easier to write.

You know, I'm usually good with third-person stories... Then again, I haven't start writing again for quite a while...Huh.

Anyhow, since this chapter is a bonus, I don't expect good reviews out of this (especially with the OOC-ness. But it's still nice to know how I did this). I do hope good reviews for chapter III, though. I just wanted to give some insight from Damon's perspective (and I just have to bring in Elena). I hope this can satisfy you for another couple of days.


	5. IV Reason

Most of the keys were already being unlocked, one by one.

His Pandora Box would be opened soon. His own memories had become so vivid; their phantoms followed him every time, everywhere.

Touches became forceful grips, voices became screams.

The sight of blood reminded him of his own that he spilled that day.

—_I don't want to feel anymore—_

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**|Stefan's Diary: The Unforgiven|**

_By Sapphire09_

* * *

**IV. Reason**

* * *

(There was a word here, but it was scrawled over)_, 2012_

_I can't remember what day it is today… _

_I tried to remember, but instead, all I got were images of that day… _

_When did it become this bad?_

(There were three words written here, all were scrawled over)

_He did it only once, but he gained my absolute obedience after that. Everything he asked of me, I would do it without further question. Rebelling was never in my consideration, simply because I wasn't brave enough to go against father's wishes. I wasn't Damon, and could never be like him. I feared his punishment…_

_Damon, who could defy father's wishes, the rebellious son with the charm and the wit to go against the world. Damon, who father would never punish like how he punished me, because Damon was a man of freedom…_

_How I wanted to be like him…_

_But, at that point, it was already impossible for me to go against father's words. The fear he implanted inside me already rooted deep inside my subconscious._

_Even though denial had helped me to forget, my body could remember._

_Perhaps it was because the walls I built to dam those memories corroded over time, or perhaps it was because my emotions became so haywire that my own personal Pandora's Box was affected. I also can't rule out that there's someone out there that wanted me to relive my worst nightmare..._

_One thing I know for sure, whatever is happening to me is inevitable._

_But…_

_I can't—_

_I wonder if this memory was my reason of having no control over my bloodlust… I've always wondered, what made me so… out of control?_

_Even from the start, everyone seemed to be able to control their bloodlust fairly quickly…_

_Was this memory that made me different?_

…_I wonder if he cursed me from beyond his grave…_

_But, I killed him, didn't I?_

_So why I could see him now, out in the corner of my eyes?_

* * *

__**Sapphire09:** I'm a little bit sad that the review I got for the previous chapter was considerably few... Did I mess it up? Well, I'll try to be better. I think I'm also progressing too slow...

**victoria,** thank you so much for the review. Glad to know I didn't mess up the character... I'll try to make it longer, but I can't promise for much... I'm trying to get it longer, though.

**Guest,** thank you so much :)

**Jess,** thank you so much! I also wanted to write some more bro-bonding... And there will be more characters to show up! (Because I think, maybe, Elena will talk about her worries to either Caroline or Bonnie, or Caroline will be worried on her own, since she seemed to have a considerably better relationship with Stefan, or Damon will talk to Alaric-wait, he's dead... I guess not Alaric then...)

Anyway, like always, tell me how you think! But, yeah... again, it's considerably short.


	6. V Edge

He shut his eyes, but he could still see him from behind his eyelids.

Memories turned to hallucinations, as he saw things that weren't supposed to be there. He felt what wasn't he was supposed to feel. However, he could still discern which was real and which was not, no matter how real it was.

Because his father couldn't be right there, standing by his side. Watching him as his own sanity began to waver. If Elena hadn't stayed by his side at day, he would be trapped inside his own mind, forgetting that it was just a memory—an illusion_._

However, he knew he was acting weird enough as of late, and he noticed the looks that Damon gave him every time he almost slipped. His brother had always been too observant at times…

He knew could only hide it for so long, but this nightmare was one he never intended for anyone to know, not even Damon.

Especially not Damon…

* * *

**|Stefan's Diary: The Unforgiven|**

_By Sapphire09_

* * *

**V. Edge**

* * *

_The nightmares wouldn't stop… I'm tired of seeing him. I couldn't sleep, but being awake didn't do much good either for me. He was everywhere._

_I don't want to see him anymore…_

_Even though I try to close my eyes, he would be there, replaying my memory over and over, until I forgot it wasn't real. I open my eyes, and he would be there, standing and just… __**watching**__. But, he would get nearer and nearer, and I'm sure soon he would be able to touch me._

"_Never betray me, Stefan," I remember him saying that day, before he landed three more marks on my back, painful and one that hurt the most, and I thought he had stabbed me with his knifes instead of the whip he had used to me lashes before, had I not heard the lashing sound of said whip when it made contact with my back._

_I cried, and I think it displeased him further, because after that… He broke me._

_I lost count on how many times I had cried for Damon that night… How I wished he would suddenly appear and stop father… To save me…_

_But, when it ended, I found myself broken, and the glue to put me together came in the form of denial. I delude myself to think that night never happened, and father was still a figure of protection. I put everything inside a box deep inside my heard, locked it with padlocks of lies, rejections, illusions, and refutations, and buried it into the deepest part of my mind and subconscious, until I could forget it was even there._

_I wanted someone to come and help me, but nobody could help… I've carried this secret with me for too long, it already grew too old for anyone to do anything. _

_It was real only to me._

_If I had told Damon long ago, I wonder if he could help me… Or would he hate me instead, disgusted and repulsed by the idea of having a brother like me? Father believed so…_

_He was always right, wasn't he?_

…_I don't want to see him anymore._

…_I wish this nightmare would stop._

_I'm tired…_

_I'm too tired…_

_Won't anyone save me?_


	7. VI Broken

He tried his best. He really did.

But he couldn't do it anymore…

His nightmare already blended into his reality, and what enhancement he has only made it worse.

Even his room already looked like the room he had in his old mansion.

Insanity seemed to catch him already…

* * *

**|Stefan's Diary: The Unforgiven|**

_By Sapphire09_

* * *

**VI. Broken**

* * *

_He always said he loved me… I was his pride and I must always listen to him, he would often say._

_I couldn't forget his words, as he pushed me down… His whispers… His breath against my neck…_

_I can hear his words echoing inside my head, even now—up to now._

(Another sentence, but the whole sentence was blacked out)

"_I love you, Stefan," he had said._

"_You are my beloved son," he said, his lips so near my skin._

"_But don't you ever again, never again, question me," he commanded, before there was pain._

"_You are not Damon," he said, before the pain renewed._

"_So you are to… obey," and there was another pain, burning on my skin._

_And then, there was a great pain, more painful than anything. I couldn't feel anything else but that burning feeling, and I thought he would really kill me…_

_I remember thinking if he was trying to rip me into two._

* * *

Stefan stopped his writing, as his memory seemed to become even more real than before. As he thought, he couldn't write it…

Exhaling a shaky breath, he took another paper and wrote whatever crossed his mind, in attempt to disperse his fear. But still, it lingered.

* * *

_I can't do this anymore._

_I'm tired._

_I can't keep doing this._

_It's enough—_

_Please…_

_Why are you still here?_

_Why I still see you?_

_What more do you want?_

_I don't want to see anymore…_

_Please… kill me._


	8. Broken Soul

Weeks passed, and Damon noticed Stefan got only worse as days went by. His little brother barely got out of his room anymore, and Damon hadn't smelled blood on him for quite some time, either human or animal. It was enough for Damon to take on drastic measures—find out what his brother was hiding from him.

He noticed the sound of his brother's pen against paper lately, also the sound of paper being ripped out, yet never got thrown away. Damon guessed whatever was bothering his brother, he wrote it out on those papers.

That was why he was sneaking in his brother's room, in a rare moment when his brother was out—courtesy of Elena (which means he was forced by Elena to see the outside world for a while, in hope to cheer him up from whatever was bothering him, hopefully she could also make him talk).

He was right. His brother did write them. He found the papers lying about on his brother's desk. The papers themselves were crumpled, but the ink that his brother used was new, so he deduced the papers were crumpled in the first place. But, Damon also took notice of Stefan's journal not so far away from the papers, but it didn't seem Stefan had used it for a while. Whatever was bothering him, he wouldn't use new papers or his journal to write them on. This was a mystery itself.

He picked one paper randomly, half expecting it to be nothing at all.

What do you know, he hit jackpot.

And, it looked like it was the most recent one, since the ink was still wet.

* * *

**|Stefan's Diary: The Unforgiven|**

_By Sapphire09_

* * *

**A Broken Soul**

* * *

_I can't do this anymore._

_I'm tired._

_I can't keep doing this._

_It's enough—_

_Please…_

_Why are you still here?_

_Why I still see you?_

_What more do you want?_

_I don't want to see anymore…_

_Please… kill me._

It was almost like gibberish, and the handwriting was illegible, unlike Stefan's usual neat handwriting. But, Damon knew his brother's handwriting enough to know that it was written by Stefan.

When he read it, at first it only brought concern. Perhaps his brother was talking about his uncontrollable bloodlust? But then, reaching the sixth line, he got confused. What was his brother talking about? By 'you', who did his brother meant? What did he see?

The last line made him panic.

His brother wanted to die? Why? His bloodlust didn't seem reason enough. And Damon already promised he would help Stefan with that. So… why?

He took another scrap of paper, hoping there would be something written there that would bring some light to his brother's reasoning. And he got another jackpot.

It was another one of his brother's writing, and it looked like it was the first writing his brother wrote, considering how the handwriting was still Stefan's neat one.

Before he could read it however, he heard his brother coming home. He should be gone, as what he was doing was invasion of his brother's privacy. But, Damon needed answers.

And the quickest way is just to ask the heart of the problem—Stefan himself.

"Damon?" he heard Stefan asked, his voice disturbingly devoid of any emotion, though there was a little bit of surprise there on his brother's face, if the slight raising of his eyebrows proved anything. Damon then saw recognition for the papers he was holding, and Damon waited for any kind of outburst of any kind.

There were, alarmingly, none.

It would seem Damon had to fish it out, then. So, lifting the paper he just read, the one with the illegible handwriting, Damon asked his brother for answers.

"Mind explaining what is this, brother?"


	9. VII Reckoning

He saw the paper in Damon's hand, the one that his brother pointed at him. He was surprised, but there was also a little bit of relief.

He should've panicked, because now he couldn't hide it anymore. One person he wanted to hide it from, the one he never wanted to know of his nightmare.

But Damon is his brother.

He would be hated, but he dared to hope his brother would help him.

It doesn't mean he would make it easy for Damon, because he still wanted to hide it. Nobody should know what had transpired, after all.

It was too much of a nightmare.

* * *

**|Stefan's Diary: The Unforgiven|**

_By Sapphire09_

* * *

**VII. Reckoning**

* * *

"Mind explaining what is this, brother?"

Stefan stared at the paper in his brother's hand, recognizing it as the one he had written just recently. He should've explained it, but he didn't want to.

"A paper," Stefan answered as a matter of fact, which seemed to annoy Damon.

"A paper, huh? Let's see," Damon said, annoyance clearly laced in his tone as he read over the paper loudly in exaggerated tone, with deadpan pressure at the last two words that was written. "—_What more do you want?_ _I don't want to see anymore…_ _Please… kill me._ Mind telling me what were you thinking about? Better yet, who were you thinking about?"

Damon's eyes then back to Stefan, his gaze was scrutinizing, daring Stefan to lie to his face. Again, Stefan didn't want to explain.

"It doesn't really matter, does it?"

Stefan was surprised when he was suddenly got thrown off and pinned to the wall. At first, saw his brother's blue eyes staring at him with anger, then somehow those blue orbs turned green and menacing.

His reality and illusion blurred together, and soon he was caught in the web of his nightmare. Instead of his brother, he saw his father.

"Of course it matters, Stefan!" _"Never betray me, Stefan"_

His father's voice overlapped with Damon's, and he tried to focus on reality. But, soon he lost sight of what was real.

Damon thought the blank look his brother supported was a sign that Stefan was ignoring him. Irritated, he pushed Stefan with a little bit more force. _He kept pushing him, until he thought his father would choke him. His struggling was futile, because his father was much stronger than him. He couldn't breathe; he was burning—in pain, hurt, bleeding—_

"Listen to me, Stefan! I'm sick and tired of your tendency to keep things to yourself! In case you haven't noticed, you actually have people who give a damn if you die!" _"Look at me, son! Never again you dare to defy me! You are not Damon, I will not allow you to become like him, whatever means necessary! "_

Damon soon noticed Stefan had become lax against him, with eyes not exactly seeing, but emotions played behind those dull green orbs. Damon could name the panic and fear, but he was confused, because moments ago, those emotions weren't there. He asked in a concerned whisper, as he loosened his hold for a bit.

"What's wrong?" _"You are to obey," again his father whispered, as he held him down and there was an uncomfortable feeling of—. _

Stefan didn't reply. But, the fear in his eyes grew and Damon was confused. He had never seen Stefan as scared as he is right now, not even in their human life before. Damon tried to look ever to Stefan's line of sight, but there was nothing there but the sight of Stefan's own room. _He broke, and the room was full of red, like blood._

"_I'm sorry, Father," _he whimpered out, his voice shaken with fear and inaudible to human's ears. Damon heard, and he could see Stefan's eyes were glassy with pooling tears.

He wasn't seeing Damon, but he saw their father…

Why would Stefan be afraid of their father, a man long gone more than one century before?

Why is Stefan even seeing their father?

Slowly, Damon backed off, and Stefan slumped to the ground, his eyes still focused on whatever images his mind conjured.

"Stefan?" Damon asked carefully, but still, Stefan didn't show any signs he had heard him. He kept on muttering, and Damon hated the broken sound his brother let out.

"Please, father, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry—"

"STEFAN!" he tried again, shaking Stefan's shoulder and tried to bring him back to the present. When Stefan's tears fell down, he felt utterly helpless and a little panicked.

"Please, father… Just kill me," Stefan muttered, before he slumped forward and lose consciousness, with Damon's hands holding him. His emotional turmoil became so great, he was forced to give in to the oblivion in his mind.

Damon was upset, and he had no idea what just happened.

He hauled his brother's body to the bed, before he read more of the writings on his brother's desk. He needed to know why their father became his brother's nightmare, when as far as he knew; Stefan was the loved son, the golden boy of their family.

Was it because Stefan killed him? But Damon was pretty sure Stefan already made peace with that. Also, if that was the reason, Stefan should've been feeling guilty, and what he just saw was anything but guilt. It was the face he often saw on his prey—deep, profound fear.

He read the paper that had been his second Jackpot, the first one Stefan had written, wishing it would have the answers he needed.

_Sunday, (the month and date was written, but it was crossed over) 2012_

_It had taken me more than one and a half century to finally write this down. A moment of my life, the one and only memory I tried to bury, to forget, among many others. What had transpired was not to be talked about, never to be said or told, a terrible taint for both the family history and himself, a degradation and a mocking gesture to her, to mother's, memory—_

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**_Review Corner:_**

I'm sorry I haven't been able to reply to your reviews the past few chapters. I kinda uploaded them in between classes, you see...

Now, I'll start with **Jess, **I'm glad you liked them so far. I really appreciate all of your reviews. Thank you so much! And about Bonnie... God, are you a mind reader or something? Guess now I gotta find some other way... (*thinking* hmm, I can do it like this... maybe that way instead? Hmm... Decisions, decisions...)

**FullMoonOrchid**, thank you so much! I'm glad you still like this :)

**victoria**, thank you so much for your reviews! I'm glad you like it!

_**Sapphire09** :_ While I'm at it, this chapter, as you can see, is beginning to take on narrative style, unlike the previous chapters. Worry not, though. Stefan will still give us his insights in some of the future chapters, but there will be more chapters like this one than the diaries (since now we're focusing on Damon for a while...) I hope you'll still keep on reading, though :)


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